How is it that time flies by so quickly? I can remember my adorable cuddly toddler boy like it was yesterday, and this Spring he graduated from high school. I guess all kids grow and change. So for us, this also brings a huge change. For almost eleven years, in the back of my mind has been this goal of sorts: when my only child is 18 and graduates from high school (both criteria are necessary), he will not have to switch between my house and my ex's house anymore. While the potential that I might see him much less is there, I've always known the difficulty he has gone through to not live one place or the other, to be a nomad. I have been doing it myself for almost as long. It prohibits any sort of settled feeling; keeps any deep roots from becoming established in one place. It's difficult.
So early this summer I spent a LOT of time working on my house to get it ready for the rough housing market. I've had to face a lot of tough emotions surrounding leaving the community I've been a part of for over 20 years (HOW can it be that long??), which I have truly grown to love. But the realities of what we do for a living won't allow us to live over an hour from our offices--and any real potential for gainful employment. And keeping two houses is just not feasible with our schedules. Clearly, I had to give up my house and leave my people in the "country."
Change is difficult, too. I actually wrote the first paragraph of this post in May but found it difficult to finish writing about the ideas surrounding change. Instead, I needed to live with the ideas and slowly adjust to what my new life would mean--to the changes--in order to deal with it. And it turns out that this works. By allowing myself time to adjust slowly, it's been better. No more feelings of being completely overwhelmed, out of control, displaced--these negative feelings have slowly abated as we have moved, step by step, toward the actual combining of households (with my husband of almost four years) and leaving my beloved community.
Now that the house has come together and I have time to reflect, I realize I've missed writing. So, I'm back and hope to make this a regular thing! Did you miss me?
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